People become less defensive and more receptive when we communicate our feelings, not only genuinely, but with a gentleness that takes to heart how vulnerable we all are. Being aware of our feelings and wants and conveying them in a kind way is more likely to be well-received.

Mindfulness wedded to kind communication is a powerful force. However, the attempt to be real without the softening ingredient of kindness can quickly morph into brutality. We may choke on their sweetness when it’s not linked with authenticity. It’s difficult to connect with people who are not sincere and direct. They hide their genuine feelings, leaving us to guess about how they feel or what they want. We’ve probably known people who are kind but emotionally dishonest. Allowing a person to see what’s real for us, we invite them into our heart. Noticing and sharing our authentic experience invites people toward us. This intimacy with ourselves creates a foundation for being more intimate with others. Bringing a gentle mindfulness to the full range of our human experience and disclosing this to people we want to be close to creates a climate for rich connections.īy being mindful of what we’re experiencing from moment to moment, we stay connected to ourselves. It’s a great strength to embrace our humanity, not a weakness. We may be convinced that if we showed vulnerability to others, they’d be so horrified that they’d reject us or think less of us.īut vulnerable feelings are simply a part of being human. We judge ourselves as weak or defective if we experience uncomfortable feelings, such as sadness, hurt, or fear.

We try to fit ourselves into some image of how we think we need to be in order to be respected or loved. We imagine that something is wrong with us for having particular feelings. Oftentimes, we don’t allow ourselves to experience what is because it’s contaminated by shame. We allow our experience to be just as it is.

Mindfulness means attending to our experience just as it is without judging ourselves. There can be no authenticity without mindful awareness of what we’re actually experiencing.

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